When a teenager resists therapy, it’s rarely because they don’t need or want support, it’s often because of underlying fears, misunderstandings, or emotional defences. Therapy can feel overwhelming, exposing, or even like a punishment, depending on their experiences and perceptions.
Here are just some common thoughts and concerns that might make a teen hesitant to engage that they won’t tell you at the time:
1. "I’m Being Blamed for Everything."
If a parent or carer is pushing therapy after family struggles, a teenager might feel like they’re being scapegoated—that the issues aren’t a shared responsibility but instead all their fault. This can make them feel resentful, defensive, or even ashamed, reinforcing negative narratives about themselves.
2. "What if people at school find out?"
Many teens fear being judged by their peers. Even though mental health awareness is growing, stigma still exists, and they may worry about being labelled as “weak,” “broken,” or “different.” The thought of others knowing, especially if they’re struggling socially, can make therapy feel more like a risk than a help.
3. "What if the therapist tells my parents everything?"
Privacy is a huge concern for teens. They may worry that therapy isn’t truly confidential and that everything they say will be reported back to their parents, teachers, or other adults. If they don’t feel safe to speak openly, they might shut down before therapy even starts.
4. "I don’t want to talk about my feelings."
Some teens don’t have the language or emotional awareness to express what’s wrong, or they’ve been taught to bottle things up. They might feel exposed or vulnerable even thinking about discussing personal issues. If they don’t understand how therapy works, it can feel like an overwhelming demand.
5. "What if I find out there’s something really wrong with me?"
For some, therapy comes with fear of self-discovery. They might secretly worry that their struggles mean they have a serious mental health condition or that a diagnosis will make them feel “different” or “damaged.” Avoiding therapy can feel like a way to avoid facing those fears.
6. "This is just going to be used against me."
Teens in conflict with parents, teachers, or authority figures might worry that therapy will be used as a weapon against them, that what they say could be twisted, taken out of context, or used to justify punishments or decisions they don’t agree with.
7. "My family/religion/culture doesn’t believe in therapy."
In some cultures, therapy is viewed with suspicion or stigma. A teen might feel they are going against their family’s values by engaging in therapy or that admitting they need help is a sign of weakness. In some religious settings, they might have been taught that faith or prayer should be the only solution to emotional struggles.
8. "I don’t need help. I can handle this myself."
Independence is a big deal for teenagers. Many fear that admitting they need therapy means they are failing or that they’re not strong enough to cope alone. They may see therapy as something for “other people” rather than something that could actually benefit them.
9. "If I refuse therapy, it punishes the people trying to make me go."
If a teen feels controlled or powerless in a situation—especially in family conflicts—they might resist therapy simply as a form of protest or self-protection. Even if it negatively impacts them, refusing to engage can feel like a way to reclaim control or push back against what they see as an unfair situation.
10. "I don’t trust adults to help me."
If a young person has had negative experiences with adults breaking their trust, dismissing their feelings, or failing to protect them, they may see therapy as just another empty promise or betrayal waiting to happen. Without trust, they may feel there’s no point in opening up.
No matter how these perceptions are formed or when feelings arise, they are valid and deeply real to each individual. Whether justified or shaped by personal experiences, these concerns and fears deserve to be acknowledged and understood with compassion.
Whether these concerns come from irrational fears, misunderstandings, or justified but unhelpful reasoning, they are very real for the young person experiencing them. Without proper validation and positive experiences over time, these worries, misconceptions, or defences cannot be easily overcome. If left unaddressed, they can keep a young person stuck in a truly difficult place—not just for those around them, but for themselves as well.
Pushing therapy without thought with a resistant young person, can reinforce negative beliefs, making it harder for a young person to ever feel comfortable seeking help. Instead, it’s crucial to meet them where they are, validate their feelings, and slowly build a sense of trust and autonomy around the idea of support.
How Can We Help Teens and Children Overcome These Barriers?
· Validate their feelings – Instead of arguing, acknowledge their concerns as real and understandable.
· Explain therapy in a way that makes sense to them – Show how therapy can help in practical ways.
· Give them a sense of control – Let them be involved in decisions about their support.
· Model healthy attitudes toward mental health – If parents engage in support too, it normalises therapy.
· Find alternative ways to offer support – If one-on-one therapy isn’t working, family support, school involvement, or creative approaches might be more effective.
At Teenage Mental Health (TMH), we understand that resistance to therapy is often a form of self-protection, it’s not stubbornness or simple avoidance, there’s a deeper reason or reasons to consider. That’s why we work with both young people and their families to find solutions that feel safe, manageable, and supportive. The starting goal isn’t to force therapy, but to help them see that support is available when they’re ready.
