Change seems to take forever when we want it, and can blindside us when we don’t or don’t expect it.
Imagine being of an age when sense of time and limited experience of change is still developing?
Change is an inevitable part of life, and school transitions are significant milestones that can profoundly impact your child's relationships with friends, teachers, romantic interests, club leaders, and even family members. As parents and carers, your support is crucial in helping your child navigate these transitions smoothly. It can all be very important to them in the moment.
We thought we’d offer considerations, on how you could support your child through these changes and promote healthy perspectives for both you and your child.
Change in Transitions
Transitions such as moving to a new school, changing year groups, or starting high school can be challenging. These changes often bring shifts in your child's social landscape, academic expectations, and even their sense of identity. Recognising and addressing the emotional and relational aspects of these changes in children is important. It's also essential to acknowledge your own anxieties as a parent during these times, ensuring they don't overshadow your support for your child.
However, the example of changes we see during or within their academic journey, is true for many other environments and other perspectives. Meaning the following can be thought of in a more general sense too.
Supporting Friendships
New schools or classes mean new social environments. Your child might feel anxious about making new friends or sad about leaving old ones behind. Adjusting to new social norms and peer groups can be stressful. Encourage open communication with your child about their feelings regarding new and old friendships. Create a safe space for them to express their concerns and anxieties without trying to fix or advise straight away.
Facilitate opportunities for your child to meet new friends by encouraging participation in extracurricular activities, clubs, and social events. Help your child stay connected with old friends through playdates and meet ups when opportunities are there. And hold consideration for things such as natural changes when they start to let friendships change shape, and it’s normal maintain some more or less as they all grow meeting new people and interests.
Navigating Relationships with Teachers
Each new school year or school change brings different teaching styles and expectations. Your child needs time to build rapport and trust with new teachers. Attend parent-teacher meetings to understand their expectations and teaching styles. This also shows your child that you’re involved and supportive.
Teach your child to communicate their needs and concerns with their teachers. Don’t tell them what to say, but you can ask what they wish or plan to say to a teacher. This opens dialogue and provides insight, which can lead to more positive outcomes.
Help your child understand that it’s normal to have different relationships with different teachers. Each teacher has a unique way of engaging with students, and your child can learn to appreciate these differences. Explain that just as people have varied personalities and approaches, so do teachers. Some might be stricter, others more lenient; some might focus heavily on group work, while others might emphasize independent study.
Encourage your child to see these variations as opportunities to develop adaptability and interpersonal skills. Emphasize that learning to work with different teaching styles is a valuable life skill that will serve them well beyond their school years. We can’t avoid every moment that we dislike or feel uncomfortable with in life, but we can get through them and still take something positive away.
Reinforce at home that it’s okay to prefer one teacher’s style over another, and that every teacher can offer something valuable. And that we can’t expect ourselves to like every teacher or lesson the same. Promoting this understanding can help your child develop a positive outlook on change and variety in their educational experience, recognising that even in situations that aren't perfect, there are always lessons to be learned and positives to be found.
Romantic Relationships
Romantic relationships during school years can be intense and sometimes overwhelming. Peer opinions and social media can significantly impact your child's romantic experiences. How we respond to these relationships can also influence how our children feel about them. It’s important to consider delicately how and when to have open conversations about the nature of healthy relationships, consent, and mutual respect.
Be open and non-judgmental so your child feels comfortable seeking advice. Help your child understand the importance of balancing relationships with academic responsibilities and personal growth. Additionally, get comfortable with the idea that you might not know everything that’s going on in their romantic lives. As long as you demonstrate respect, communication, and problem-solving in your own relationships, you can model healthy relationships and provide a valuable example for your child.
Out of School Activities
Supporting your child in engaging with different clubs and extracurricular activities can be incredibly beneficial for their growth and development. Each activity or club may have leaders with varying expectations and leadership styles, presenting new challenges and learning opportunities. Balancing these extracurricular activities with academic responsibilities can be demanding, but it offers a valuable chance for your child to develop essential life skills.
When we support our children in exploring different clubs and activities, we help them discover their interests and strengths. Encouraging them to develop time management skills to balance their commitments can enhance their ability to juggle multiple responsibilities effectively. Being part of a club or team can teach leadership, teamwork, and accountability while also providing new social environments for learning and growth.
By supporting our children in taking on these responsibilities, we contribute to their personal development and resilience. But it's also important to pay attention to signs that extracurricular activities may be becoming overwhelming for them. For very active children, afterschool and physical activities can be thought of as a way to help them expend energy for a more peaceful evening and better sleep. However, listening to our children and recognising when they might be taking on too much is crucial.
For parents and carers of older children, acknowledging that their interests and needs may change over time is essential. A child who has been dedicated to a particular sport or club for years might find their tastes shifting or feel increased academic pressure, especially near exam times. Adjusting extracurricular activities to align with their evolving interests and academic demands helps maintain a healthy balance. Supporting our children through these changes demonstrates our understanding and commitment to their well-being and personal growth.
We often wish for things to remain as they are or try to influence our children’s routines for various reasons. However, as children grow, we need to be supportive and adaptive to these changes. By embracing and offering what’s best for them, with caution taken with what we try to mandate, we can help our children thrive and navigate their evolving needs and interests.
Changing Family Dynamics & Parental Anxieties
As your child grows, they will seek more independence, which can change the parent-child dynamic. Parents need to adapt to their child's growing needs for autonomy while providing appropriate guidance. Understand that your child's need for independence is a natural part of their development. Support them in making decisions while being available for guidance. Keep the lines of communication open. Regularly check in with your child about their experiences and feelings. Adjust your expectations based on your child's age and maturity. Provide them with responsibilities that match their developmental stage.
Promoting healthy perspectives within changing family dynamics involves modelling a positive attitude towards change. Show your child that while change can be challenging, it also brings opportunities for growth. Highlight your child's strengths and achievements, helping them build confidence in their ability to navigate new situations. Let your child know that it's normal to feel uncertain during transitions and that you are there to support them every step of the way.
When faced with your child's impatience for change or a desire for more independence, it's important to take a moment to evaluate their request. Ask yourself if what they are asking for is reasonable and if they are capable of handling it. Children and adolescents mature at different rates, so what might be appropriate for one child may not be for another. If you decide that a request is not reasonable or that your child is not ready, explain your decision calmly and clearly. You can say something like, "I understand that you want more freedom in this area, and it's great that you're eager to take on more responsibility. However, I feel that right now, this change might be too much. Let's work together on a plan to prepare you for this step in the future."
By taking the time to thoughtfully consider their requests and responding with clear and supportive communication, you can help your child understand your perspective while continuing to foster their growth and independence.
Addressing Parental Anxieties
As a parent, it’s natural to feel anxious about the changes your child is experiencing. You might worry about their ability to adapt, make new friends, or handle increased academic pressure. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings but not let them dictate your actions or interactions with your child. Reflect on your anxieties and consider discussing them with other trusted parents or a professional like a teacher, mental health professional if needed, but there’s a lot to say by ‘trusting your gut’. By managing your own emotions, you can provide a more stable and supportive environment for your child.
Embrace the change alongside your child. Remember, your confidence and positivity can greatly influence how they perceive and handle new situations.
Final Thoughts
School transitions and any changes during childhood, and the accompanying changes in relationships can be complex, but with your support, your child can navigate these changes successfully. By fostering open communication, providing guidance, and modelling healthy perspectives, you can help your child develop resilience and adaptability.
Remember, change is a part of life, and with your support, your child can learn to embrace it with confidence. Both you and your child will grow through these experiences, strengthening your bond and preparing for future challenges together.
