Coping and Defence Mechanisms: Are they the same?
In our daily lives, we often hear the terms "coping mechanisms" and "defence mechanisms" used interchangeably. But are they really the same? Coping mechanisms could be considered as strategies we consciously employ to handle stress, challenges, and difficult emotions. Or we can consider them the ‘acting out’ communication of a defence mechanism underway.
Defence mechanisms, in therapeutic senses’ are generally considered to be operating at a more unconscious level, shielding us from emotional pain or uncomfortable thoughts. While both serve to protect our mental well-being, they do have discernible differences.
Understanding these distinctions can help us better navigate our emotional world and support our children in their emotional growth.
What Can Defence Mechanisms Look Like?
Defence mechanisms can manifest in various ways, often without us realising it. Common examples include:
Denial: Refusing to accept reality to avoid dealing with painful feelings.
Repression: Pushing distressing memories out of conscious awareness.
Projection: Attributing one’s own unacceptable feelings to others.
Rationalisation: Creating logical explanations to justify unacceptable behaviour.
Displacement: Redirecting emotions to a safer outlet (e.g., taking out anger on a pet).
Children might exhibit these through behaviours like avoiding school (denial), becoming unusually aggressive (displacement), or blaming siblings for their mistakes (projection). These responses are often linked to past experiences or traumas.
What Are Defence Mechanisms?
Defence mechanisms are psychological strategies our minds use to protect us from anxiety and to maintain our self-image. They help us cope with reality and maintain emotional stability by temporarily distorting reality. Everyone uses them, often without even realising it. These mechanisms are crucial for psychological survival, particularly in situations that feel overwhelming or threatening. These can be helpful, and not all defence mechanisms or their use should be considered as wholly problematic,
How Unconscious Processes Inform Our Conscious Decisions
Our unconscious defence mechanisms can significantly influence our conscious coping strategies. During emotional distress, we might engage in positive coping mechanisms such as meditation, talking to a friend, going for a run, or finding constructive ways to manage and then address our immediate concern or emotion. These methods help us process emotions and regain a sense of control. However, unconscious defence mechanisms can also lead to maladaptively utilising coping strategies when we miss addressing or reflecting on such moments.
Individuals might unconsciously seek solace in overeating, alcohol, or drugs, potentially developing addictive behaviours as a way to cope with underlying difficulties or distress, often stemming from past experiences or trauma. Others may become difficult to socialize with, isolate themselves, or engage in other harmful behaviours. There is often a complex interplay between our unconscious defences and conscious coping choices. Recognizing when these responses become maladaptive is crucial for fostering healthier ways to manage stress.
What Coping Mechanisms Look Like in Children
Children's coping mechanisms can vary widely, reflecting their developmental stage and individual experiences. Here is a list of how children might cope with stress:
Talking to a trusted adult or friend: Seeking support and comfort through conversation.
Engaging in physical activity: Using play, sports, or exercise to release tension.
Creative expression: Drawing, painting, writing, or other artistic activities to process emotions.
Playing games: Using imaginative or structured play to distract and cope with stress.
Seeking solitude: Finding quiet time alone to think or relax.
Crying: Releasing emotions through tears.
Reading or watching TV: Escaping into stories or shows for temporary relief.
Sleeping: Using rest to avoid dealing with stress.
Avoiding school or activities: Refusing to participate in usual routines to escape stressors.
Acting out: Displaying aggression, defiance, or disruptive behaviour as an outlet for emotions.
Clinging to caregivers: Seeking constant reassurance and physical closeness.
Regressing: Reverting to earlier developmental behaviours, such as thumb-sucking or bed-wetting.
By recognising these coping mechanisms in children, parents and caregivers can provide appropriate support and guidance, helping children develop healthier strategies for managing stress. Understanding and addressing both positive and maladaptive coping methods is essential for fostering emotional resilience and well-being in children.
How Can These Mechanisms Be Helpful?
Defence mechanisms can be beneficial by allowing us to navigate life's challenges without becoming overwhelmed. They provide temporary respite, giving us time to process difficult emotions and experiences. For instance, when a child bumps into a wall and calls it "stupid," they are externalising their frustration. This helps them avoid the more difficult task of admitting they were not looking where they were going. By shifting the blame, they remain calm in the moment.
By protecting us from immediate distress, these mechanisms help maintain mental stability and enable us to continue with our daily lives. Particularly in children, these coping mechanisms can manifest as non-verbal communications, such as 'acting out.' Observing these behaviours can help us understand how they are coping. As adults, we can respond by helping them learn that making mistakes, like with the stupid wall, is a normal part of life and not something intolerable.
Even as adults, we can reframe things from new perspectives to manage difficult experiences in a less distressing way.
When They Become Unhelpful
Like many well-intended strategies, these mechanisms can become problematic when overused or when they hinder our ability to deal with reality. Excessive denial can prevent a person from addressing serious issues, while too much suppression can lead to unresolved emotional conflicts. When coping mechanisms start interfering with daily life or relationships, with consistent, excessive, or unusual responses indicating a defence mechanism at play, it might be time to seek support.
Consulting a GP or mental health professional can provide valuable guidance and therapeutic options to develop healthier coping strategies and address underlying issues. Understanding and addressing these mechanisms can lead to more effective emotional management and overall well-being.
We all have the right tools in ourselves to help and tend to our mental health, but sometimes we need an extra set of eyes to help find them and pair of hands to help show how to use them.
