This month's main blog theme centres on the significance of a child's voice. Let's share a story illustrating how vital a child's voice can be, even when it seems to revolve around the most random or 'ridiculous' of things. It underscores the need for us to be attentive listeners and thoughtful thinkers.

Changing Schools

A young boy, midway through his primary school journey, had to change primary schools, and his water bottle was special. Many of us may remember how it feels to start the first day of school at that age. It can be exciting for some, and daunting for others. Getting used to new routines, uniforms, adults, peers, and beginning to learn more about socialising and hopefully starting friendships. Figuring out how things work, and for many, working out where we fit in.

Some of you may have experienced moving schools in your primary/junior school years, or supported children during this transition. Everyone is different; some flourish, others struggle. There are so many helpful ways or tips to help a child settle into a new school, from buddy-up practices to introduction days. Often, though, we just need to observe and guide when they need us, and let them know we’re there.

The Best Gift Ever!

This young person didn’t come from the wealthiest backgrounds historically, but things had changed, and for a long time, he’d wanted this branded water bottle he’d seen on YouTube (No, not Prime Drinks!). He didn’t usually ask for things like this. But he’d pestered, begged, and pleaded for this bottle. Always met with a 'No, that's final'. 'A normal bottle with squash will do'. His reasoning not even thought of or asked for.

However, for his birthday, which was soon after starting his new school, he got the bottle. Not the latest version, but to him, it was like a gold brick of awesomeness, worth jumping around and screaming about more than when opening the rest of his gifts (some expected to be far more triggering of excitement). He proudly insisted on using the bottle every day for school, filling it up himself each morning after rinsing it and taking it to bed each night too.

Much like a child attached to a toy or teddy, this bottle, easily overlooked by adults, was indeed an item of comfort and great importance.

R I P Bottle

Sadly, one day, when climbing into the car after school, this young person’s bottle fell out of the bottle holder of his bag. He was so busy and excited talking of his day, he hadn’t noticed. Although he’d taken well to the new school according to the teachers, he’d been experiencing some difficulties fitting in with others, making friends and navigating new social norms.

Not heard falling, unneeded from thirst in the moment, the bottle was overlooked and then soon ran over by the car. The weird pop sound, dismissed as something other by the boy and his dad. It was only once home when realising the bottle was missing, did the pair then realise what must have happened, and to the little boy's terror, what the sound was.

The Bottle Blues

Even before it was later confirmed the bottle was indeed a victim of crushing, the child was distraught, with endless tears, sniffles that went on until bedtime. “My life is over”, “this is the worst thing to ever happen”, “I’ll never be happy again”. Powerful words over such a basic object, an item of convenience? However, the boy was just too upset to find his words to give reason for why this bottle was just so important. Threatening to not go to school because of it, and how life wasn’t worth going on.

Realising just how important this bottle seemed to be, a new one was soon ordered online. It was hoped a new bottle, the latest version, would be a good enough substitute of the original. However four long days until its arrival, there was much sadness, negative talk of school and anywhere else, the trauma for the loss of this bottle was not going to be forgotten.

On day four post the passing of the bottle, the boy, with true sadness said he’d had terrible play times, and didn’t feel he could play with anyone and no one wanted to play with him. He’d spoken of struggling to find people to play with because everyone had been friends for so long already and he felt he didn’t belong.

It’s Here!

The special package arrived the next day for afterschool, a day late but in one piece. The branding obvious, this little person opened the box with HUGE excitement receiving his surprise. Suddenly the end of the world was pushed back for another day and all was well again, with a literal tear unable to contain their joy. And then it came “I can be with my friends again”.

It transpired, not only was the first bottle the first experience of ‘a dream come true’, a gift he’d wanted and thought was unobtainable, making it feel all the more important. It was also something some other children had he was able to talk with them about and start building friendships with at school. Something shared with others who he otherwise felt different from. It soon became a friendship membership card, with a big group of them being ‘bottle buddies’.

Without it, he lost confidence to continue these new friendships, as he’d lost his membership card. In his world, when talking about his new bottle and what it meant to him, it appeared he believed only lucky and fortunate children or adults got to have these bottles! When his was lost to him, taken by cruel chance, all his luck and fortune, something that made him special and visible to others had been lost too. It held part of him, not just his water.

As a child who experienced much change and many losses of important people and attachments in the past, that prevented forming and maintaining many potentially lasting relationships for most through no fault of his own, this is quite important to not become or feel lost among and to others.

Despite peoples efforts to counter these feelings and be supportive of his experiences, with some believing potential worries or fears had been avoided, the experiences remained in his unconscious and conscious thoughts. And the bottle symbolised all this and more.

Conclusion

When your child expresses untypical levels of emotion, to or about anything, particularly when displaying heightened responses and behaviours for them (or the lack of), stop and think; ‘why that?’, ‘why now?’ and ‘what might that mean?’ Then find a way that works for them to help them talk about it. Because you never know what you might learn, and how important it might actually be.

(The author can't believe they wrote this many words about a bottle. And this was the shortened version!)